The following  article is by Jack Kornfield author of "A Path With Heart"

The Practice of Forgiveness

Forgiveness is one of the key arts of a spiritual practice because it allows us to release the past and start anew in life. Without forgiveness it's always the Hatfields and the McCoys - the Bosnians and the Croats and the Serbs - repeating the cycle over and over.

After the great holocaust in Cambodia in 1979, I was there with one of my teachers in a refugee camp. Even though he was warned by the Kymer Rouge not to do so, he set up a Buddhist temple in the midst of the camp. All the refugees were told that if they came to this temple, they might be killed. Nevertheless, on the day he rang the bell to open the temple, 25,000 people gathered around. My teacher began the ancient chanting that had informed everyone's spiritual life in Cambodia before the revolution. And people sat down and began to weep.

All he did was recite a simple phrase from the time of the Buddha, which goes: " Hatred never ceases by hatred, but by love alone is healed. This is the ancient and eternal law." He recited it over and over in Cambodian and Sanskrit, and as people heard it, they began to chant with him. Those people knew as much about pain and injustice as anyone I have seen on the earth. But somehow, as they chanted, you could feel the truth in their words was even greater than their sorrow.

Forgiveness is available to each of us through a traditional Buddhist meditation. There are three parts to learn, all of which use traditional and ancient phrases. In the first part, we ask forgiveness for having hurt others. In the second, for how we have hurt ourselves. And thirdly, we forgive others who have hurt us.

Sit and become aware of the natural breath. When you center yourself, breathing in and out of your heart, the forgiveness meditation begins. Feel the meaning and intent of each word.

In part one, you say: "There are many ways that I have hurt and harmed others knowingly and unknowingly in this life, many times that I have caused sorrow, betrayed, or abandoned others. I remember these now. I feel these. In the many I have hurt and harmed others out of fear, out of my pain or confusion.  I ask their forgiveness. May I be forgiven."

The second part of this meditation is toward ourselves. We're so hard on ourselves. To sit in this way is to extend great mercy and compassion for the struggles of our own lives.

You say: "There are many ways I harm myself, knowingly and unknowingly, abandon or betray myself, cause myself pain. I remember these now. I picture and feel   the sorrows I have caused myself. And in many ways have hurt or harmed myself out of my confusion, out of fear and pain. I offer myself forgiveness. May I be forgiven."

Finally, we direct forgiveness toward those who have harmed us. There are many times each of us has been betrayed or hurt by others. We each have our measure of sorrows in this life. Let yourself feel the ways others have harmed you.

You say: "In the many ways others have hurt me, abandoned or betrayed me, knowingly or unknowingly, out of their confusion, out of their anger and pain, out of their fear and ignorance, I see these now and feel what I have carried. And to the extent that I am ready, I offer forgiveness. I release you. I release my hatred and anger if I am ready. I will not put you out of my heart."

After the practice of forgiveness, let yourself feel the breath gently in your heart. Again, as if you could breathe easily in and out of your chest.

I hope that you can use this practice little by little in your life. It can help you find that place of calm and centeredness and compassion and peace that is the birthright of every human being.

Learning to forgive

Letting go can make you a healthier, happier person

By Julie Sevrens
KNIGHT RIDDER NEWS SERVICE

August 6, 1999

PALO ALTO -- Lisa Lichtenstern is a skillful grade-school teacher, but she says there is one thing she has always had difficulty learning: how to forgive.

Raised by an alcoholic father, the Bay Area woman grew up experiencing pain, anger and resentment. Decades later, she still hadn't let all those negative feelings go.

So when Lichtenstern, 35, heard about a workshop on the art and science of forgiveness, she signed up in a heartbeat. The tools she received -- strategies for managing anger and forgiving others -- have already proven invaluable, she believes.

Since finishing the classes earlier this year, she has noticed a positive change in her outlook -- and in her relationship with her father.

"I wish I had learned it 20 years ago. I could have prevented a lot of pain and self-doubt."

The concept of forgiveness has been around for thousands of years, but in the past decade it has received renewed attention. Theorizing that empathizing and forgiving can benefit both individuals and society at large, scientists have launched research that has begun to demonstrate that forgiveness can positively enhance emotional -- and, quite possibly, physical -- health.

But it's generally thought that society still isn't getting the message.

"It's one of the best-kept secrets," says Carl Thoresen, a professor of psychology and psychiatry at Stanford University and lead researcher for the Stanford Forgiveness Project. "We have come across very few people who understand what forgiveness is and how it works."

Generally, forgiveness is defined as recognizing you have been wronged, giving up all resulting resentment and eventually responding to the offending person with compassion and even love.

A religious ethic

Forgiveness is an important ethic in many of the world's religions and is considered a centerpiece of Christianity. Forgive us our sins, Jesus prays in the Lord's Prayer, for we ourselves forgive.

But society frequently embraces contradictory principles such as vengeance, says Frederic Luskin, director of Stanford's Forgiveness Project.

"Having a grudge gives you a sense of moral superiority: This person, this group, this ex-husband, my mother-in-law, they're all lousy people," he says. "But you get a false sense of security by cutting off the legs of other people to make yourself taller."

You also can end up with a great deal of heartache -- maybe even heart problems, scientists say.

Although there has not been enough research into the physical benefits of forgiveness for scientists to make sweeping generalizations, the psychological benefits -- including less stress, anxiety and depression -- have been widely reported by researchers.

A 1996 study of incest survivors showed that a forgiveness educational program reduced levels of anxiety and depression in participants for months after the program ended. Other projects have determined that those who forgave also tended to have fewer mental problems.

Research on potential physical benefits is ongoing, but initial studies indicate there is a positive link.

A 1998 Stanford study of young adults who had felt hurt or offended showed forgiveness could substantially reduce the amount of anger they harbored. Anger has been associated with an increased risk of heart attacks, and it negatively influences the body's immune system.

'Healing agent'

The notion that anger and an unwillingness to forgive can damage the physique as well as the psyche has gotten a boost from new research from the University of Wisconsin in Madison. Investigators there, who have not yet published their findings, have found that the less people forgave, the more diseases they had and the more medical symptoms they reported.

"We've been surprised at how strong forgiveness can be as a healing agent for people," says Robert Enright, professor of educational psychology at the university who in 1985 created the country's first forgiveness research program. "You can actually change a person's well-being, their emotions, by helping them to forgive."

But the benefits are not thought to end there.

Those who are able to overcome injustices by forgiving others tend to feel better about themselves, says Luskin, who leads the Palo Alto workshop on forgiveness. There also is evidence that the ability to forgive can greatly enhance personal relationships.

"One of the leading causes of relationship disruptions is nobody has been taught how to forgive," says Luskin. "When the inevitable disappointments and inevitable problems occur, we don't have the skills to navigate them. So we carry grudges. Then you're not as close to your parents; you're not as close to your partner; you're not as close to your children."

Society's inability to deal with injustice echoes loudly in this country's high rates of school violence, domestic battery, drug and alcohol abuse, divorce and even crime. Some scientists say they aren't surprised.

"We as a nation, we as a culture, we as people clearly suffer from too much anger, hostility, discord, divorce -- indications of conflicts that aren't resolved," Luskin says.

Sometimes, forgiveness comes naturally, says Michael McCullough, co-author of "To Forgive is Human: How to Put your Past in the Past." Many times we can find it in ourselves to brush off unkind words from our spouses or unkind actions from the driver in the next lane, he says.

But other times, in the case of severe physical or emotional abuse, forgiveness requires much more. That is when the process can be particularly enriching, says Thoresen.

"We can't say this is the solution to the world's problems, but people can learn to forgive, and when they learn to forgive, good things happen."

What it's not

It is important, however, to learn what forgiveness is not.

Most researchers agree that forgiveness must be differentiated from condoning, excusing, forgetting or denying an offense, and it does not always involve reconciliation.

Forgiving and seeking justice are not incompatible concepts.

"If someone intentionally smashes your car, you can forgive them. But you can also seek payment of the bill for the body shop," says Enright.

Forgiveness also does not mean putting yourself back in an abusive relationship.

"I wouldn't go around and encourage everyone to be best buddies with everyone who has hurt them severely," says McCullough. "But the offended person needn't necessarily be eaten up by their own resentments."

Letting go of anger and negative feelings is thought to be key to true forgiveness. But Luskin, who has been encouraging Bay Area area residents in his workshops to give up their grudges, says not everyone wants to do so.

"Many people get a physiological rush from anger. It's like any other rush: You get an adrenaline surge and a sense of power," he says.

While it makes sense to him that some individuals have difficulty forgiving others and moving on with their lives, it puzzles him why anyone would not want to make the effort to do so.

Addressing two dozen participants in one of his forgiveness classes, Luskin puts it bluntly: "Why do we allow someone who's nasty to us to rent so much space in our minds?"

Copyright 1999 Union-Tribune Publishing

  (Acupuncture)   Herbs  Become a patient  [ Home ] [ Up ][ Feedback ] [ Contents ] [ Search ]